Today's little chat is about personal responsibility.
It seems to be almost entirely absent from at least the part of the world I'm
dealing with.
Example: A nurse fills my pill box. I notice days later that a pill isn't in the box. I am puzzled. I check. I have a full bottle. So the next time she comes back, I point out that this pill was not in the pill boxes last time and I wonder why. She immediately tells me that it wasn't in the box because I told her I'm not taking it anymore. This is a lie. It also, she believes, relieves her of blame in the matter. No personal responsibility.
Example: Woman interviews with me, agrees that working for me would be great, and yes, she will drive me to town on Monday. (I should not drive; I have this peculiar tendency to suddenly wake up, which tells me that I was sleeping but I didn't know I was falling asleep.) On Sunday she calls me and tells me her husband doesn't want her to drive so far, to my house and back, once a week. This clearly is a lie. She's changed her mind or she only applied for the job because she's on unemployment and has to apply for 3 a week to keep it. No personal responsibility.
Today I went to Wal-Mart. I asked for earring backs that were made by either White Stag or Roman Research, because both contain no nickel. Nickel is what makes people allergic to jewelry. So the clerk said yes, there are two different packages over there, both silver, one the clasp back and one the barrel back. I said but no gold? She said no, we have silver; why would you need gold? I said to match gold earrings. She said that doesn't matter. You can use silver. So I just went to get the nickel-free earring backs without telling this opinionated female that I don't have to use just silver; I can want gold, too. Well, what I found was that neither package of earring backs were made by either White Stag or Roman Research and neither said they were useable for people allergic to nickel. I took them back to the desk and pointed out to the clerk that neither of the packages was made by either White Stag or Roman Research. She said without a blink, I didn't say they were. For the longest time, I stood there, considering pointing out to her that when I ask if you have earring backs made by White Stag or Roman Research, and you say yes, there are two different packages over there, you ARE saying that you have them, but I decided that she already knew that, and there was no point in it. So I put the earring backs back on the rack and went my merry way. I will order them on-line. No personal responsibility.
Personal responsibility isn't easy to acquire or maintain, but with practice, it gets easier. It is a personality trait, but it isn't genetic. So we can learn it. It requires deciding to be personally responsible and then reminding ourselves each time a situation comes up, I must accept my responsibility in this matter. The first time you have to say, you're right and I was wrong, is really hard! But with some practice, it gets easier. The second time isn't as easy as the fifth is.
And so there is an interesting side-effect of trying to develop this honor in ourselves, and that is that we become much more careful about what we say and do, realizing that if we act honorably, speak truthfully, and do our best to avoid having to apologize, it doesn't have to get easy to accept that we made a mistake and we need to make it right.
But it is a thing I think we should be teaching in school. I think if everyone took responsibility for their own behavior, admitted their mistakes, and apologized for causing confusion or problems, it would be a much better world.
Example: A nurse fills my pill box. I notice days later that a pill isn't in the box. I am puzzled. I check. I have a full bottle. So the next time she comes back, I point out that this pill was not in the pill boxes last time and I wonder why. She immediately tells me that it wasn't in the box because I told her I'm not taking it anymore. This is a lie. It also, she believes, relieves her of blame in the matter. No personal responsibility.
Example: Woman interviews with me, agrees that working for me would be great, and yes, she will drive me to town on Monday. (I should not drive; I have this peculiar tendency to suddenly wake up, which tells me that I was sleeping but I didn't know I was falling asleep.) On Sunday she calls me and tells me her husband doesn't want her to drive so far, to my house and back, once a week. This clearly is a lie. She's changed her mind or she only applied for the job because she's on unemployment and has to apply for 3 a week to keep it. No personal responsibility.
Today I went to Wal-Mart. I asked for earring backs that were made by either White Stag or Roman Research, because both contain no nickel. Nickel is what makes people allergic to jewelry. So the clerk said yes, there are two different packages over there, both silver, one the clasp back and one the barrel back. I said but no gold? She said no, we have silver; why would you need gold? I said to match gold earrings. She said that doesn't matter. You can use silver. So I just went to get the nickel-free earring backs without telling this opinionated female that I don't have to use just silver; I can want gold, too. Well, what I found was that neither package of earring backs were made by either White Stag or Roman Research and neither said they were useable for people allergic to nickel. I took them back to the desk and pointed out to the clerk that neither of the packages was made by either White Stag or Roman Research. She said without a blink, I didn't say they were. For the longest time, I stood there, considering pointing out to her that when I ask if you have earring backs made by White Stag or Roman Research, and you say yes, there are two different packages over there, you ARE saying that you have them, but I decided that she already knew that, and there was no point in it. So I put the earring backs back on the rack and went my merry way. I will order them on-line. No personal responsibility.
Personal responsibility isn't easy to acquire or maintain, but with practice, it gets easier. It is a personality trait, but it isn't genetic. So we can learn it. It requires deciding to be personally responsible and then reminding ourselves each time a situation comes up, I must accept my responsibility in this matter. The first time you have to say, you're right and I was wrong, is really hard! But with some practice, it gets easier. The second time isn't as easy as the fifth is.
And so there is an interesting side-effect of trying to develop this honor in ourselves, and that is that we become much more careful about what we say and do, realizing that if we act honorably, speak truthfully, and do our best to avoid having to apologize, it doesn't have to get easy to accept that we made a mistake and we need to make it right.
But it is a thing I think we should be teaching in school. I think if everyone took responsibility for their own behavior, admitted their mistakes, and apologized for causing confusion or problems, it would be a much better world.
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